Humor: St. Louis Blues Part Of NHL Conspiracy In Arizona

St. Louis Blues center Ryan O'Reilly (90)Mandatory Credit: Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports
St. Louis Blues center Ryan O'Reilly (90)Mandatory Credit: Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports /

The St. Louis Blues are setting records as they enter the middle of the month of February in 2021. They have already played the Arizona Coyotes four games in a row and will have played them seven games in a row once things are said and done.

On the surface, we are led to believe this is all because covid-19 is running through several teams, causing a quarter of the league to shut down. That’s what they want you to believe.

Recently, I’ve had conversations with fans and made the joke that Arizona will be in first place by the time either of these teams play someone different. After all, as of writing, three of the Coyotes six wins have come against the Blues.

That was meant in jest, but it’s looking like a possibility. The way the Blues keep losing, only Vegas could stave off the ‘Yotes.

Then, an idea formed when seeing a headline for our friends at St. Louis Game Time. “The only team the Blues will ever play again are the Arizona Coyotes” was meant to simply be an article talking about the extension of this series to seven games, but it’s more.

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This is now a conspiracy. Gary Bettman is determined to keep the Coyotes in Arizona and what better way than to win a Stanley Cup? Sorry Houston, but you’ll have to keep waiting.

The Blues are the patsies in this conspiracy because they cannot beat Arizona. So, the schedule will be wiped out and the Coyotes will simply play the Blues for the rest of the year.

When the playoffs roll around, it will be the Blues and Coyotes again because the league will have ceased to exist in the West Division. So, St. Louis will be granted a spot in the postseason based on points and also the Coyotes needing an opponent.

That basically puts Arizona into the following round with little fuss. By that time, St. Louis will be using people off the street to play since 90% of their roster will have been decimated by shoulder injuries and concussions. The rest will have been suspended for looking at a referee with a scowl.

After that, it will be up to Arizona to actually win some games. Their likely opponent will be Vegas because their owner owes the NHL some favors by this point, so they’ll have to take the dive.

Then, either in the semifinal or final, Arizona will be put up against Toronto. This will only be due to the fact Toronto simply cannot win a Stanley Cup ever. Couple that with a mysterious trade of Aushton Matthews to Arizona for Phil Kessel, but pay no attention to that Bettman behind the curtain.

This all but awards the championship to the desert dogs. The referees will take care of the rest.

Winning the Cup should buy them at least another five years in Arizona, until some other unrest happens and leaving becomes another possibility.

Of course, if the Blues could ever win a game against them, this could all be avoided. It’s too late for that now, since the fix is in place.

dark. Next. Doug Armstrong: International GM

Seriously though, the Blues have got to win against Arizona eventually. Surely?